Chills went through my body as I opened the large reusable folder/bag to revisit a night that changed my life.
I was the Hendersonville woman (second degree rape survivor).
And here is my story:
On December 13, 1990, the cooperative education students of DuPont (Brevard, NC) travelled to Asheville to eat dinner at Annabelle's in the Asheville Mall. After dinner, we all decided to go dancing at Adam's in Arden, NC. We all split up into separate cars. I rode with Mark and before we left Annabelle's he told the rest of the co-workers that we were going to get gas and get him a beer, and we would meet them at Adam's. Mark (age 21) and I then went to get gas and get him a beer. We got onto the expressway headed to Adam's. He then asked me "was I ready?" I said "yes." He asked me again, and I repeated the same answer. He then said "Famous last words" and immediately took an exit off the expressway. I was wondering where we were going. I asked and he was saying just wait until we get there. We were headed to a residential area. The next thing I knew we were going down a very steep hill and into a valley. I knew that I was not going to have sex with him in the car. So before he turned off the ignition, I said "Mark, I changed my mind." He said "it's TOO LATE." He turned off the ignition. He moved on the passenger side in front of me, and he said "you don't play games with me." He continued to threaten me by not backing off. So I said very strongly and aggressively - "NO. I DO NOT TRUST YOU ANYMORE." I then moved back in order to rest my back against the seat because I figured that he understood and accepted what I had said. But he had not because he let the seat back and was getting ready to pull my leggings down. I immediately put my left hand on my left thigh as a defense which I used all throughout the rape. Mark then told me to move my hand. He told me to move my hand two or three times. I refused to move my hand. He then took his right hand and put his fingers in the joints of my left shoulder. He was hurting me. I then moved my hand from my thigh, and he stopped hurting my shoulder. He was starting to pull down my leggings and underpants at the same time. I said to him, "I don't have a choice?" He responded sarcastically- "you don't have a choice?" He finished pulling down my leggings. I then said "No, Mark, I changed my mind." He then said "I AM GOING TO FUCK THE HELL OUT OF YOU." He started fingering me. As he began, he said "I hope this does not hurt you, but it will make it easier." A few months prior to this rape, he violently took my virginity. After he finished fingering me, he pulled down his pants and underpants; my mind drifted into helplessness. He reached into the back of the car to get a box of condoms. He attempted to take just one, but he was going so fast that one or two extra came out, and he immediately put them back into the box and put the box back in the back of the car. He tore the blue wrapper off of the condom and carefully put it on. I asked him was there any chance of me getting pregnant? He then asked " do I have a period? and I said "yes." He asked when was my last one?" I replied "two or three weeks ago." He then said "THEN NO." I put my hand on my thigh again. He then told me to move my hand. He kept saying "move your hand; Benita, move your hand." So I would move my hand after the third command because I was scared that he would hurt my shoulder again. He started penile penetration. My vaginal muscles had tensed up preventing him from penetrating all the way. My body was responding from the trauma of him taking my virginity a few months prior. So he started fingering me again. Then he tried penile penetration again. My vaginal muscles were still tensed. I was about a size 4 or size 6 petite in size. He told me to open my legs. He was still not penetrating far enough in. He then used his left hand to finish taking my leggings off of my right leg. He bent my right leg up to hopefully attain a deeper penetration. This did not work either. He lifted by body up with his hands and let me down and said "this is about worthless." He tried penetration again. He was still using his right shoulder to muffle my mouth each time he attempted penetration to keep from hearing me express the pain that I felt when we were together the first time. He was not penetrating any further so he asked me in my ear while he was still partially inside of me - "HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE FUCKED BY SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOU?" He then tried to force penile penetration by going in a vigorously circular motion. It did work for a split second, and my body responded as if I had be punched in the stomach. My stomach suddenly contracted, and the air that was in my stomach rushed out through my mouth. At that moment, we both had had enough. He got back on the driver's side and propped his arm up on the window after he let my seat back up. The next thing he says " I was only with you because Monique(his girlfriend) was not getting along well right now." He then got out of the car and took off the condom and got back in the car. He started pulling up his pants. I began pulling myself back together. I was trying to rationalize the situation, but then I began putting it in the back of my mind. He then cranked the car up and we were headed to Adam's. He asked me "do I respect him?" I immediately said "NO," and then I said "yes, I respect you, but I do not think too highly of you." (my politically correct nature kicked in) He rudely told me to fix my hair, and he rudely told me to put on makeup. I told him he should be happy I was ever with him. He then replied "Do you remember when I told you I dated mediocre girls? Well, they would be 10's here So you should be happy I was with you. I told him he could say at least one good thing about me. He said "I was nice." He said "Benita, you're nice." He also said "I was too naive." I told him that I lost an earring, and he said "I had to find it because he had almost gotten in trouble before with his old girlfriend when she found one in the car that was not hers. But he told her it was his sister's and she had used his car. I told him to stop by a gas station or store near Adam's before going to Adam's in order to get myself fixed up. We stopped by Budget Rent A Car near the airport. I got out the car and went into the restroom. When I returned to the car, Mark was not in the car. I looked for my earring. It was on the back seat. I put it on. Mark came back to the car and drove us to Adam's. I forced myself to act as if "nothing had happened." He told me to just tell them we stopped by his house to make phone calls. He put on a jacket to cover the lipstick stains from muffling my mouth. He told me " Not to become a whore." He told me "he hopes I won't say anything about what happened because he damn sure won't. We entered Adam's together, but quickly went our separate ways inside.
Well, I told a friend that weekend about the ordeal. She made me go to the hospital. When Mark showed up at the hospital in his fraternity letters, it prompted his arrest.
The rape never went to trial. He had to complete a series of counseling appointments and the District Attorney dropped the charges. Mark's family was prominent in the area. They did not want to destroy his life. That is how the cookie crumbles when it comes to womens' rights. I can only hope that I was Mark's last rape victim because clearly, I had not been his first.
#MetooMovement
Somehow, God still has a Master Plan for us all. Tests and Testimonies.
