Rape Survival Think Tank

Rapists can be 

• Your spouse
• Your co-worker
• Your ex-partner
• Your relative
• Your acquaintance
• Someone who feels that "dessert" is part of a dinner date.
• Someone who is under the influence of drugs.
• Someone who drank too much alcohol 
• Someone who has gotten away with rape before.
• Someone who has an existing partner or spouse other than you already.
• A friend of one of the household members.
• A neighbor
• A stranger

Just know that. . .

Rapists will likely tell a different story of consent or they will accuse you trying to be a homewrecker or accuse you of entrapment.

Your family and immediate circle may not support the justice that you seek especially if the assailant has a strong standing in society.

Getting the rapist arrested and charged can be your biggest challenge. If you can get the arrest secured, then by all means go for the trial and/or fullest prosecution that you can. So many women never get their voices heard.

I champion you to fight not just for your self-esteem, but for others before and after you. 

Still have questions about your encounter? Then answer these questions:

• Did you feel lifeless, passed out, or an "out of body" experience?
• Do you feel that you want to see this individual again to discuss the encounter?
• Is he the father of your child/ren or a financial provider?
• Would you want another person to experience what you experienced?
• Was this your first sexual experience?
• Will you likely have triggers and/or flashbacks for the rest of your life?
• Did you push back and firmly say "No?"
• Did you have an approved medical facility to perform the rape kit?
• Are you scared?
• Is there a chance of retaliation for seeking justice?
• Do you want your story documented forever or on the court books?
• Do you want a civil remedy?
• Where did the encounter occur?
• What time did the encounter happen?
• Is domestic violence also a portion of the encounter?
• Do you have witnesses or was there a camera with video?
• Has there been past unfavorable encounters with this same assailant?

Every situation is different. There is no right or wrong answer. Your fight for women's rights and your worth is so important, but time is essential to the case. 

You should also know that most women have experienced unwanted groping, non-consensual sex, and/or sexual harassment.  

Local rape crisis hotlines can connect you with advocates and counselors that can assist you by listening while you talk through the ordeal to sort through the flags that you may have missed leading up to the encounter.  In many instances, there is no cost for advocates to talk to you. Counselors can plan a strategy for recovery on a sliding scale.

Vulnerability is not a crime. Often times, predators can sense vulnerabilities. Everyone has times of vulnerability no matter how smart that they think they are. 

An assailant becomes vulnerable as soon as you report the situation.

I hope this article will assist in your decision to report, to fight, and to heal.  Healing is in the fight; not the silence.

Break the silence. You are worth it.

NOTE: I am available to speak to District Attorney offices nationwide as well as speak to college campus groups. Speaking fee is negotiable. ~Benita

Confessions II: The Joke was Never Funny

On July 4, 2014, I published the first "Confessions" blog article:
https://applebaumparadigm.blogspot.com/2014/07/confessions-this-joke-isnt-funny-anymore.html


Almost five years later,

this is Part Two of  "Confessions"

To all those who question my December 2018 release of the name of my date rapist:

There are still too many political plays going on for me to give a full statement surrounding the timing of the release of the Identity of my date rapist.  Just know that the decision I made was the right decision for the dynamics in play in my life.  It was God's timing.  It was perfect timing.  Also,  on that night of the rape, my date rapist asked me this question:

How does it feel to be fucked by someone who does not give a damn about you? 

I was going to answer, but I remember him holding his head down in disbelief that I was going to speak.  So I never answered that question.  Now,

He should be able to answer to his own question.

Futhermore,

The Joke was Never funny.

To my attorney who showed up in small claims court to tell the judge that Coastal Federal Credit Union was within their rights to renew a ten year judgment against me:

North Carolina State Bar has multiple grievances on file against you.  My grievance being one of them.

The Joke was Never Funny.

To Carolinas Healthcare Systems (now Atrium Health):

My Blog articles surrounding my part-time hairdresser employment experience made it into a US Department of Labor report.  

The Joke was Never funny.

To the 2016-2018 Mecklenburg County Sheriff Administration:

You had no way for Mecklenburg County citizens to file complaints against your sheriff deputies.  Your administration had a lot of corruption.  Now, there is a portal for citizens to file complaints.  Now, there is a new sheriff administration in office in 2019.

The Joke was Never Funny.

Identification of my rapist: Mark Lee Murray III

Mark Lee Murray III 

(Photo credit: Facebook)

Mark Lee Murray, III

Asheville Times, December 17, 1990, the cover story of the arrest announcement.

I have tried to move forward with my life, but at every turn, I get a road block.  Apparently, this is God's way to let me know that I need to finish dealing with the past in order to move forward in my future.

I thank God for my friend "Curtiss" who accompanied me to the hospital.  I thank God for my Clemson University friends who encouraged me to speak out otherwise I would not have a case number to reference (90-12-11574).   

Acquaintance Rape Case: 90-12-11574

I was denied victim compensation in 1991. (File No.: 91-11-006-0)

I will be pursuing a trial by jury. It's time that someone start fighting for that young lady inside of me that is still traumatized by the chain of abuse and rape endured in 1990.  My anniversary of this tragic set of circumstances is during this time of the year.

Ebony Magazine "Super Single Sister" feature.

Thank you to all who have poured out so many kind words and support since revealing my rape story. I no longer want to suffer in silence. It is time for my rebirth.

World Championship of Performing Arts Modeling Competition

Confessions? This Joke Isn't Funny Anymore

Photo credit:  http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/

In honor of  Independence Day, I wanted to share some thoughts . . .

To my Date Rapist:

You raped me on more than one occasion. You got comfortable taking advantage of me at your leisure until one day that one final encounter ripped me to my soul.  You were an expert in the hand position to inflict enough pain into the shoulder joint to make me and your obvious past victims cooperate without any signs of bruising.  You knew to keep an eye on me in case I made an attempt to call the police.  Then you knew when you were arrested at the hospital wearing your fraternity letters that:

This Joke wasn't funny anymore.

To my Townhouse Neighbor:

You wanted to have your fence built over my property line to avoid the extra charge of anchoring the fence to your concrete patio.  My "no" was not enough that you had to call over another neighbor to add to the confusion resulting in the police being called and the police finding "no signs of injuries."  Yet, out of anger,  you and  the other neighbor let your imaginations go wild allowing massive lies to be fabricated, and the story grew bigger and bigger.  After a newsletter to the entire subdivision stating the truth of the matter caused massive embarrassment for all the neighbors involved, and the fact that the encounter was dismissed.  You all had to realize that:

This Joke wasn't funny anymore.

To my Hair practitioner that overcharged and under delivered:

Upon collecting and organizing all of my supporting documentation that the final delivery was out of specifications, I repeatedly asked for a partial refund.  My cordial refund requests were repeatedly ignored.  The producers from the Judge Mathis show were repeatedly turned down.  Your attorney was slow to return my phone calls.  Finally, when the sheriff served you with a small claims complaint showing our local court date and then you realized:

This Joke wasn't funny anymore.

To the multi-billion dollar non-profit, public healthcare System Human Resource department:

I asked why the hairdresser position had to be posted when I had already been working there for five years as a hairdresser.  Your answer was that you preferred that managers post all positions. Then the position was filled solely based on preferential treatment which ripped me to the core of my soul.  Then the position came available for a second time within a year later, I asked when would the position be posted again, and your response was that you are not required to post all positions.  Well, after several EEOC complaints, several articles, several correspondence exchanges over a four year period and counting, your department has to have realized:  

This Joke wasn't funny anymore.