Rapists can be
- Your spouse
- Your co-worker
- Your ex-partner
- Your relative
- Your acquaintance
- Someone who feels that "dessert" is part of a dinner date.
- Someone who is under the influence of drugs.
- Someone who drank too much alcohol
- Someone who has gotten away with rape before.
- Someone who has an existing partner or spouse other than you already.
- A friend of one of the household members.
- A neighbor
- A stranger
Just know that. . .
Rapists will likely tell a different story of consent or they will accuse you trying to be a homewrecker or accuse you of entrapment.
Your family and immediate circle may not support the justice that you seek especially if the assailant has a strong standing in society.
Getting the rapist arrested and charged can be your biggest challenge. If you can get the arrest secured, then by all means go for the trial and/or fullest prosecution that you can. So many women never get their voices heard.
I champion you to fight not just for your self-esteem, but for others before and after you.
Still have questions about your encounter? Then answer these questions:
- Did you feel lifeless, passed out, or an "out of body" experience?
- Do you feel that you want to see this individual again to discuss the encounter?
- Is he the father of your child/ren or a financial provider?
- Would you want another person to experience what you experienced?
- Was this your first sexual experience?
- Will you likely have triggers and/or flashbacks for the rest of your life?
- Did you push back and firmly say "No?"
- Did you have an approved medical facility to perform the rape kit?
- Are you scared?
- Is there a chance of retaliation for seeking justice?
- Do you want your story documented forever or on the court books?
- Do you want a civil remedy?
- Where did the encounter occur?
- What time did the encounter happen?
- Is domestic violence also a portion of the encounter?
- Do you have witnesses or was there a camera with video?
- Has there been past unfavorable encounters with this same assailant?
Every situation is different. There is no right or wrong answer. Your fight for women's rights and your worth is so important, but time is essential to the case.
You should also know that most women have experienced unwanted groping, non-consensual sex, and/or sexual harassment.
Local rape crisis hotlines can connect you with advocates and counselors that can assist you by listening while you talk through the ordeal to sort through the flags that you may have missed leading up to the encounter. In many instances, there is no cost for advocates to talk to you. Counselors can plan a strategy for recovery on a sliding scale.
Vulnerability is not a crime. Often times, predators can sense vulnerabilities. Everyone has times of vulnerability no matter how smart that they think they are.
An assailant becomes vulnerable as soon as you report the situation.
I hope this article will assist in your decision to report, to fight, and to heal. Healing is in the fight; not the silence.
Break the silence. You are worth it.
NOTE: I am available to speak to District Attorney offices nationwide as well as speak to college campus groups. Speaking fee is negotiable. ~Benita
